Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

Ethan seems to be going through a phase and I'm trying not to take it to heart. He's only 19 months old so I know that he doesn't really mean it. Children grow into and out of phases. It's only natural.

I know this.

But I can't help feeling sad all the same.

You see, when Ethan was younger, and I was at home with him all day, we were best buds. I had him, he had me. We were very happy. I could always soothe him if he was upset and he'd always let me hug him, kiss him, no questions. Of course. He was too young to do anything different.

Now he's a bit older, and becoming his own person, he's starting to make decisions and choices and sometimes these don't include me. 

I'm not the first person he thinks of. Daddy is on the tip of his tongue all the time. And I can understand why - Ste is a brilliant Daddy and Ethan really sees him as his best friend, the one who's silly with him and who can sing him to sleep each night.

Me? Well, if Ethan doesn't want me to do something, he lets me know. He can lash out, waving his arms or trying to smack me in the face. Not hard. Just a sudden fit of temper which passes just as quickly.

He's also learnt the word 'no', which I am treated to quite often.

As I write this and read my words back, I know how petty it sounds. He's a child for God's sake! He doesn't mean anything by it! He can't play favourites. He's not doing it on purpose.

I know. I know. I know.

Still, it has been hard to take and I wanted to share this post now so if any other mums or dads feel like this, they know it's ok. It's taken me a while to write this, with me questioning whether I should, but that's what this blog is for. Sharing. So I can remember the good, talk about the bad and gain and provide support.

It's not a reflection on me or my parenting or how Ethan feels about me.

I'm already thinking that this phase may be coming to an end, as I've had some lovely days with Ethan recently where he has been more affectionate with hubs and I in equal measure.

I know that I will always be his Mummy but I also know that the I'm not and won't ever be all he needs. He needs other people and I need to share him with the world.

I guess there comes a time for every parent when you realise this and how one day, your child won't need you quite so much. I know it's a long way in the future for us and that this is just a phase whilst Ethan is growing up and learning about the world.

But he is my world and always will be.

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