A letter to Ethan - on the eve of your 1st birthday

Hello Ethan, it's mama here.

I've been your mama for a year minus one day. Or almost 21 months, if you count the time you spent in my tum. It feels like yesterday you arrived into the world yet at the same time, you have changed so much and it feels like we've always been a family of three.

In the lead up to your very first birthday, I've been feeling rather reflective. I keep thinking back to 'what I was doing this time last year' and remembering the first time I met you, when you first came home, your first visitors, first holiday, first time in your big boy bed, first tooth. First everything.

Because everything with you is still so new. The whole world interests you and you look at things with such fascination, seeing them for the first time.

You look like a little boy now; your baby-ness is fading and every morning when we come in to see you, you have more hair and look a bit older than you did the night before.

You are so much fun. You also think we're so much fun too, particularly Daddy who can make you collapse in a heap of giggles if he tickles your ribs just so. You shriek and flap your arms and excitedly point, chattering 'Da!', 'Doh!' and 'Ca!' at everything that catches your eye. You wriggle all over the floor, still not crawling forwards, but scooting on your bottom and moving backwards on your tummy in a baby moonwalk motion.

You've started to make kissing noises again. You're eating well. You have your fifth tooth peaking through with the sixth not far behind. You've become a little more clingy these past couple of weeks, needing a few extra cuddles or getting a bit upset when we drop you off at nursery. It doesn't take you long to settle in and start playing with your friends, but you do seem to miss us a little more these days.

I think it's because you're teething and because of holidays and Easter, we've had a couple of long weekends together, the three of us, in a row. We went to Skegness with your Godparents and you sat on the beach, tried your first ice cream (you loved it!) and went on your first fairground ride.

The great thing about you growing up is that we can do more and you can share more with us now. I will always miss my tiny baba, so small in my arms, but every day you make me smile and it's wonderful to watch you grow.

Your first birthday is going to be one to remember, we can promise you that. You have so many people coming to your birthday party tomorrow - everyone wanted to share in your special day. We've gone for a teddy bear's picnic theme and you've got a fantastic cake, lots of balloons, bear related decorations, soft play, yummy food... and a room full of people who think you're the bees knees.

And you are. I, of course, would say that but you really are.

Your first birthday, and I'm sure many more after, will always be special to us. For me, I feel like it's 'our' day. No-one else knows how we felt when you were born and I apologise now if I'm a bit emotional tomorrow. It's just amazing to think you'll be one year old. I get choked up at the thought.

I tell you every day I love you and I always will.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. 
You'll never know Ethan, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away.

Love Mama xxx

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