Who are we to judge?

I believe that us ladies can be our own worst enemies. We can sometimes jump to conclusions or judge other women based on the decisions they make and their perceived lifestyles, even if we don't know the person in question.

This is even truer when it comes to mums. I have read many blogs and heard countless comments about the judgement new mums feel about all manner of mummy related things. From home births vs. pain relief, breastfeeding in public, or full-stop for that matter, to when to wean and whether being a SAHM or a working mum is best, there are endless ways for women to judge each other.

It seems it's in our nature to judge others and the pressure to compare ourselves reaches new extremes when children are added to the equation. Whether it's a baby group clique or a judgemental stare at the school gates, a 'helpful' suggestion made in kind my a friend or an unwelcome comment from a total stranger, I think we can all say we have been judged about our decisions as a mum at least once (to our knowledge).

But actually, when you come to think of it, we can all probably say that we have made judgements about others too, even if we haven't meant to.

Becoming a mum, and learning everything as you go - pretty much until your children are adults themselves - means you're going to make mistakes. You'll do things differently and you'll do things the same as others, all with different results. The cliché remains true - babies don't come with their own instruction manuals. All we can do is try to do our best for our children, in any way we know how.

There is no definitive right way. Just the right way for you. And when you think you've found the right way, be prepared to throw your rule book out the window all over again, as your little one has ideas of their own.

Life has it's own plans too, and no matter what we do, sometimes things don't work out the way we think we will. C'est la vie.

Source

The reason why I am writing this post today is because of the news story that Natasha Hamilton and Ritchie Neville are having a baby together, and the emphasis placed on how this happens to be her fourth child by a fourth father.

I know. Doesn't sound great on paper does it? I have to admit, I thought it might be an April Fool's story when I first heard the news.

Even if you're a really accepting person and believe in 'live and let live', I'm sure you'll still have a reaction to hearing that her children all have different dads.

But who are we to judge her for this?

Well, as the story has been run in OK! and plastered all over the Daily Fail, it seems that the Great British public are the ones who can judge Natasha for her decisions, and not just because she's a celebrity but because she's a woman. I read the Daily Fail most lunchtimes like most of the ladies I know but I am all too aware of how negative it is towards women and how at every opportunity, they verbally bash our gender.

'Oooh, look who's got fat!'.

'How skinny has such-and-such got?'

'So-and-so has a red carpet disaster yet again.'

It's so tiring, but you know the worst thing? The comments that the readers make underneath the stories themselves. Unforgiving, viscous and often downright vile, the people who take the time to comment on the celebrity stories are the most judgemental of all.

Here are some snippets of the responses posted about Natasha's three month baby bump:

Delightful.

I can see the point that some people are making and yes, having four different fathers for all your children isn't ideal, but I'm sure that she didn't plan things that way. Who would?

For her, that's the way things have happened but she's decided to do things in her own way, no matter what. If the children are supported, cared for and loved by both their mum and their dads, why does it matter so much to other people?

Who's business is it? Why not celebrate her happy news? It's an anxious time when you're in early pregnancy and I really wish her every luck. She needs support, not snide comments.

There's too much negativity in the world as it is and being a woman, whether you are a mum or not, is hard. All too often, we seem to be the subject of scrutiny and more often than not, it's women judging women.

Why can't we just be more supportive of each other?

Do you think I'm worthy of a nomination?